Here's my heart, Lord, take and seal it

I've had this weird battle going on...I've been afraid to open the Word.  As if when I do, I'll be so overcome with conviction because I don't love God enough or in the way I should love Him.  True, at this state, I don't love Christ as I ought to; but there's gotta be something wrong with this picture. Oh yeah, Alicia Christine, you are a child of God.  (See John 1:12)    What?  You mean, I have been selling the gospel short?  NOT to make this a man-centered gospel, but I have been believing the lie that I have to do, and do, and DO just to be okay with our Heavenly Father.   Suddenly, I  pictured myself with my hair all greasy (not hard to imagine right now), and dirt/mud/blood/oil/grease--yes, all the disgusting elements of filth contaminating my skin, at the foot of God's throne.  But, I didn't feel shame because of Who was standing next to me.  How cool!?  Very.  "Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence...

I've been praying for a certain person for some time now.  Oh, believe me, it's nothing compared to how long others have labored in prayer for a friend. And definitely nothing compared to how long Israel waited for Christ to finally come.  However, sometimes this amount of prayer seems to put the persistent widow to shame. As it is late, I am trying to fall asleep. God has reminded me tonight that He is just and right in what He chooses to do.  I will still praise Him. "Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior."--Habakkuk 3:17-18

"The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion.  The Lord protects the simplehearted; when I was in great need, he saved me."--Psalm 116:5-6 I am so amazed at how the God of the universe cares for the littlest things in our hearts.  Those deep thoughts that we dare not speak aloud.  My journal got a beating today...about five pages.  Most of it is the same block that my heart runs around time and again.  I am sure God is tired, oh so tired, of hearing me.  Yet, I am reminded by His word that He cares.