Here's my heart, Lord, take and seal it

Oh my, after this past weekend, I don't know if I have any more emotions to share with my fellow readers. Watching your best friend get married to another best friend is like watching your own hair grow. You know what's happening in that moment, but in some ways it's such a slight difference in the natural realm that you wonder if anything has changed at all (aside from the obvious marriage liberties;) What blessed me the most was something I took to heart as I stood up next to them by the altar. Mr. Groom bore his bright blue eyes into hers with a bursting pride and joy. It's not exactly the same as her joy which was all over her being. I watched from behind as she swayed from side to side and he did the same. I hope my friends aren't embarrassed by this sappy tell-tale of my observations. What I couldn't get through my thick skull was that this was a picture of Jesus love for me. It's symbolic that I could only see the groom's eyes and tears from my ...

At the airport here, going back to my friend's wedding. It's completely bizarre to be acting normal. I see kids running around here and instinctively I look for the mom to run up to and say, "are you the mom here?" I sat next to a couple on the plane with a three-month-old ADORABLE baby, and I started a conversation on their plans for early education. I'm now watching a mom and her middle schooler talk, and I am guessing if they look like buyers or not. They are, by the way. I am excited to see my friends, but somehow, I feel out of place.

So this past week was not a necessarily fun one.  I don't need to expound.  I'm back at zero now.  The Lord has brought some perspective in this whole thing.  Not only has He been teaching me to have integrity in my heart towards the people that make me angry on any given day, but I'm learning that God is actually FOR me. My thoughts were sometimes like, "Why don't you want me to have any sales God?  Don't you want me to be great for Your glory?" Perhaps this week was glorifying in a different way, even if it wasn't through a million sales.  After reading Psalms 38-41, I realized I've had it backwards.  Without the Lord, I would be in more anguish than before.  He brought this past week as a trial to me so that I might learn more about His goodness.  It's in His presence.  He is all goodness.  He is for me in this, and I will succeed because of Him. Then, the Lord also brought some perspective. "But when I was silent and sti...

Southwestern's mission statement is "Building character in young people since 1868".  God's motto is definitely similar.  On a character building day on the bookfield, I will take a few minutes before I go to bed to remind myself of all the good things I did today.  In fact, I did a lot of things right: --I took a cold shower in the morning --I knocked on my first door at 7:36 am --I smiled --I made moms laugh --I treated everyone with respect --I said my sales talk --I found needs --I gave 30 people a chance to buy my books --I didn't pre-judge them as "non-buyers" --I kept a positive attitude that whatever the circumstances --I remembered that God was the one to provide me any sales --I kept going, trying to sell something --I trusted the numbers game --I worked really, really hard --I self-talked myself into motion --I was an emotional giant --I talked to over 50 people that day --I tried to not be pushy, but politely persistent T...

Wow.  It's already week five coming up here on the ole' bookfield.  Does anyone else notice something different about this post than previous ones?  OH YEAH, it's the first one I've been able to make since leaving nearly six weeks ago!! I don't even know where to begin, but God has truly been making me stronger with each door.  I leave the negative looks and gawks of people and I go to the next house proclaiming my identity in Jesus Christ.  I have the authority through Christ to proclaim freedom from identity theft of the Negative Nancy's of the bookfield (however, not to be confused with a cool Nancy I met that bought books for her sophomore in high school...).  I hardly wonder if anyone can follow these ramblings because I'm so incredibly thankful for God bringing me through each day.  I no longer sulk when I'm down, I just go to the next house.  I pray that remains. Praying with my cousin Brooke tonight over the phone has brought more peac...

I only had a few miles left on my odometer before I was due for another oil change.  Talk about perfect timing, not too soon or too late before I set out on my grand adventure.  I waited until the very last moment to get a tune up and I didn't have to "waste" any precious miles before prepping to leave for the summer.  That's just a little taste of all the confirmation God has been giving me, "You're ready, Alicia.  Go, and I will go with you." This moment could not have come soon enough. "But  you   will  not leave in haste or  go  in flight; for the LORD  will go   before   you , the  God  of Israel  will  be your rear guard."--Isaiah 52:12

       "Moses answered the people, 'Do not be afraid.  Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today.  The Egyptians you see today you will never see again.  The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still.'"        "The the Lord said to Moses, 'Why are you crying out to me?  Tell the Israelites to move on.  Raise your staff and stretch out your hand over the sea to divide the water so that the Israelites can go through the sea on dry ground.'" --Exodus 14:13-15 I'm reading what I wrote before leaving on my "book adventure" last year.   I am almost embarrassed about my lack of emotional control a year ago.  It's not like I've been the perfect stoic now (and I hardly think stoicism is something to be exalted either) but I think one part of this journey is learning to take emotions under Christ's control. I cried at work on Friday while making lattes.  I grieve...