The Pain in the Desert

Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the wilderness these forty years, to humble and test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. (Deut. 8:2)

Memories of one of my desert seasons still gives me literal nightmares. For years I have gloried in reflecting upon that season, and thanking God for bringing me through. Partly, I thought God brought me to this particular place to help me "grow up". Since the dreams didn't seem to stop, I had to dive further into my heart. Why do these memories seem to cause so much fear or pain? Shouldn't I be over whatever happened back then because God used it for good? But that's the problem, God used them for good, but He didn't draw me into the desert to cause the pain. The pain in those few years were not a direct result of the chastisement of the Lord. A father may discipline his son, but discipline is different from punishment.

I've come to realize that the pain we experience in the desert isn't God's fault. It is our heart that isn't conditioned for the desert. God in His mercy will draw us into the arid places so that we might see where we are lacking. Jesus was also led into the desert (Matthew 4:1) but His heart was only proven as faithful. The Israelites wandered for 40 years in the desert only to see that they had unbelieving hearts who needed the Christ.

I realize it may have been some wrong views of God that led me to this wilderness. So, I'm beginning to interpret the Scriptures a little differently. Is what I'm reading from a condemning voice that inflicts punishment? Do I read words of Jesus through the voice of disappointment? Oh, Lord help me when I act more like a performance-driven orphan instead of your child. Help us to hear your voice in the Scriptures just like your sheep...your children...hear your voice.

Comments

Tucker's Birth Story

Tucker Jason Rhys was born on October 30th, 2023 at 3:18pm in the afternoon though I say his birth story started four months earlier in June. In June we were packing up our family and lives in Africa to come back to America for a year. With two small kids and me being six month pregnant, Steven and I still thought it would be worth the effort to stop in Paris for a layover and do a couple Frenchy things like eat a croissant and see the Eiffel Tower. It’s a “perk” of the job I tell myself—every flight path inevitably goes through Europe. We booked tickets that took us through Paris and then onto America. After booking everything we hit a snag—Farrah’s passport was set to expire in September and apparently France requires three months of validity left on a US passport before giving a visa to visit their country. She only had two months left before she needed to renew hers. (I'm getting to the birth, I promise…) Up until that last week on our island as we were packing our bags ...

In Case You Were Curious

The feat of writing a post and explanation for what happened this past weekend has kept me from even attempting it for some days now. How do you describe miracles but not as to cheapen the treasure of their testimony? First I must begin to explain who this man Steven is, and who he someday will be. Skeptical, I have been for some years now which is why I categorize his existence as a miracle. He is strong. Meek. Authoritative in speech, and yet the most gentle of men. He hates all the usual things like Wal-Mart and loves all the usual authors like G.K. Chesterton. His brokenness before the Lord was what set him apart from the crowd for me. I honor this man with words of encouragement. "Steven, you are dearly loved and anointed by Jesus. Not because you have done great things for Him, but because your heart longs to make Him the focus. You know He is good even in the desert seasons. You have chosen Jesus. You have a ...

Let's Run!

I am tired of making the Christian life look good. I might as well wear the t-shirt that says "Christians have more fun". When Jesus said we could have life to the full (John 10:10), I am told He was not wearing the t-shirt. If anything His shirt would say "fullness of life found here". It's futile of me to think we Christians need to persuade the world that we love our lives. In fact Paul said, "If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are to be pitied more than all men."--1 Corinthians 15:11 If indeed Jesus has been raised, then my living is not empty. I fix my eyes on the prize. That prize is not less drinking, fewer swear words, and a "good job" from morality at the end of the day...it is El Shaddai, God all sufficient. "Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to ...

Here's my heart, Lord, take and seal it

Search This Blog