My labor with our first daughter, Farrah, was not how I had pictured it. Most of it went well but some of it was unpredictably difficult. I did a lot of things right. I refused to be afraid. I also knew that I wanted God to walk with me through the process. I call it a supernatural labor, not because it was a pain free process but because the Father was there through it all walking with me.
I know the title of this blog comes from the debated scripture of 1 Timothy 2:15, and I'm really not here to address that, but I can't help but think of it when I look back on Farrah's birth story.
“Yet she will be saved through childbearing — if they continue in faith and love and holiness, with self-control.”
I was saved through this experience. I was saved in so many ways. I was delivered from fear and pride and this process taught me about endurance in the faith.
I'll save you some boring details but lets just say about 3PM on September 5th--eight days past my due date--we were in the hospital. The first unexpected bit was that my contractions never progressed to getting shorter and consistent. They were anywhere from five to seven minutes apart and then a random nine minutes or even three depending on how much I was walking.
During the eight hours of active labor in the hospital they monitored Farrah's heart rate and she wasn't handling the contractions well. I was bed-ridden for a time which was the absolute WORST. I was tempted to fear for her health or an emergency c-section, but God asked me in this time:
"Do you trust Me with your daughter?"
I gave her to Him. Her life is ours to nurture and steward, but in the end I must not give way to fear about the many things a parent can worry about--health, friendships, success, faith.
When I reflect back on what else the Holy Spirit spoke to me while in labor, I sigh of relief and freedom. About three hours after entering the hospital, I was given oxytocin to make my contractions regular and more powerful. I remember when I was praying and preparing for labor months prior I had asked God for a "pain free" labor. That's right--pain free! I had heard other women who experienced God's supernatural grace in their labors like that (though I'm not exactly sure how they categorized "pain" and "pressure" but that's beside the point). During the shortest but most difficult part of labor I felt my spirit scold God slightly, "Why am I experiencing so much pain? I asked and believed you could give me a pain free labor."
Then I was cut to the heart. I saw my desire to always seek my comfort first and ignore the call of God to radically follow and obey Him. It's what I've struggled with most while following Jesus to live in Africa. Between contractions I prayed audibly to the Lord , "Forgive me for always fearing pain and suffering! I know the Christian life isn't always pain free! In fact you call us to die! I 'm not afraid of suffering, Jesus, and I embrace it for You." I think my doula was surprised with all of this but she rolled with it.
If you didn't know, these were moments of deliverance--sozo--as it says in the Greek words of Scripture (also used in 1 Timothy 2:15). Jesus knew the idols of my heart were fear and comfort. I will never forget how and when He marked me with His Spirit and delivered me, almost as much as I will never forget the moment I heard my baby's first cry.
After two hours of the most difficult part of labor our baby girl was born quickly after at 11:20PM in Nairobi Kenya. She measured 3.24 kilos. Google translated that to 7 pounds, 2 ounces and thanks to my friend with a tape measure we think she was 21 inches long.
Lastly, I remember what Steven said when I asked how he felt when it was all over and our little girl was finally here. With an expression of contentment he simply said, "Happy."
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