Here's my heart, Lord, take and seal it

Honestly, I don’t have enough money to pay off my school bill for this semester.  Long story, but I tried to do the right thing with my finances and loans and it’s just not happening this time.  I can’t register for next semester yet. Honestly, I just found out I didn’t pass my accounting class at Metro with the EASIEST teacher there.  Must have been that final.  Honestly, again, I was just driving in my car for the last ten minutes wondering why I am even going to school. Still being honest here, I piled on the credit hours this fall because I just want to be DONE.  I don’t want it. Yup I'm still talking truthfully, I started college because God shut the doors on that ballet thing I had going for a while.  Now that the confessions are out of the way, if there’s one thing I learned on the bookfield, it was to NEVER quit.  I’m not going to question God, because for some ODD reason this is where He has me.  It’d be different if I felt like...

I think it's "day six" but honestly this is the saddest excuse for a topic to journal about.  I haven't been keeping track of this thing like that one movie where Amy Adams cooks a Julia Child recipe everyday.  I have been to Dallas and back again this weekend.  God really blessed me with sweet fellowship and sisterly affections.  I was not kept from romantic movies, but I did not pursue and seek out ooey-gooey sentiments.  Instead of movies, though, I was with my sister and her husband all weekend. Never have I seen a couple more affectionate to each other.  Partly, it's because I get to see the intimate moments between dish washing and laundry that others don't. Even after a whole weekend of "babe" and "I love you, babe", I'm not sick or cynical.  The thing is, I don't want to put down the books or sweet cinema.  I rather like it. Now lets just be honest ( "I thought she was being honest..." says reader) I tell myse...

This is really silly.  Why did I agree to taking away all my favorite movies when I'm feeling sick?  Being a frail little thing where your best dressed outfit is your vellore pants and favorite band t-shirt, seriously reminds me that I am at the hand of God's mercy everyday. As for my "challenge", yesterday I did end up watching "Becoming Jane".  I forgot I told a friend I would have her over to watch it.  I didn't think it was really breaking my rules because it doesn't end happily under my definition of "yay!".  I assume that's what I will be watching from now on:  sad movies or "Elf". For now, I will sleep, sleep, and more sleep.  I will drink tea, tea, and more coffee.  I eat cough drops and Mucinex like candy, BUT!  I will get better no doubt.  Despite the lulling headache and sniffles, I'm feeling practically perfect to fly down to Dallas to visit my sister.  Yep, I'm fine.

9:08 PM I’ve been challenged by a friend.   I will let go of all media that relate to the romantic nature.   This is a problem because m y favorite movies include:   You’ve Got Mail, Sabrina, and of course Pride and Prejudice.  These things fill my brain with swoony thoughts because we humans love…well…love.  I'm done with this world telling me I'm "worth" something if "someone" would just love me.  I would like to tell you something Mr. World, I was bought with a price, I know my worth.   Please don't think me jaded or cynical (how can a hopeless romantic be cynical?!) but it is f or this very reason I will try to avoid romantic novels and movies for one week.   Let’s see if I can! First problem I encounter is that I’m reading “Little Women”.   Nothing says “sappy romance” like four virgins hauled up in a cottage during Christmastime, fighting against societal norms.   One reason why I picked up the book was because I do lik...

Three nights ago I was flipping through a few red Moleskin journals from about a year ago.   They are lined with apologies.   Last week I went to a young adult group and heard a sermon on condemnation and the freedom we have from it in Christ.   Two weeks ago a dear friend prayed for me, “You’re head is down, but when you’re ready He wants to show you Himself.”   And two months ago, I received more prayer that said, “God wants you to know your worth”. The same night I was reading the red journal entries I kept thinking of that verse, “One thing I ask Lord, this is what I seek:   that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and seek him in his temple.”—Psalm 27:4   As I began to pray I found it was really hard to remove my hands from my face.   The utter idea of Jesus seeing me for who I am made me start to cry.   I couldn’t remove my hands as they grew wet with my tears.   I felt God...

I was going for a drive in my car this evening.   Ever since I sold books, I drive more now with the wind whipping through my hair and music louder than ever before.   Praying on the drive tonight, I began praising and simply acknowledging what God has taught me and matured me in these past few years.   With all that said, it came along with what I hope God changes in my heart.   I said things like, “Lord, wow how you’ve grown my dependence on you and returned my identity from what men think to what YOU think…”   Pretty cool healing has gone on (annndd will continue..). Not long after, I was pondering about His kingdom coming on this earth as it is in heaven.   I get down thinking I’m not obedient to inklings of His Spirit, or I don’t have enough faith!   I want to witness miracles, healings of the sick like the lame, diabetic, cancer, and death.   God, what has gone wrong with me or this generation?   As I got home I turned to John 14:12-...

Warning:  Open-hearted thoughts are stated and words like "intimacy" are used. Here I am on the brink of my twenty-second year.   It feels good.   I feel like I’ve climbed a tall mountain and now I’m at the top, and as I look down on the vast expanse below I think, “how did I get here?”   God has accomplished so much in my heart.   Let us praise Him! I’ve changed a lot this past year.   It’s not like I’ve lost ten pounds and got a tattoo of the Jesus fish on my ankle.   The difference is in the dark night of the soul.   It’s almost like when Crayola came out with the 24 box of crayons, then the set of 50, then the box of 100.   They added colors to the box of ten crayons that you didn’t know could exist.   In the end you’re glad for it, because it makes your picture much brighter.   Silly analogy?   I suppose, but that’s all I got. One year ago today I was praying for what God would want for year twenty-one.   “Just Me ...