Here's my heart, Lord, take and seal it

On Monday November 12th, 2012 at 12:02  in the afternoon, my heart stopped beating and I took my last breath. Inhaled, and nothing came out. Save for the eyes rolling in the back of my head and actually dying, my life ended.  Some may think, and others may know, I'm a dramatic person, but that is the most realistic description I can give for when I mounted the tiny hill of the Pont Neuf overlooking the Seine river. What took my breath away (literally, no respiratory action of and kind) was possibly the worst view of the Eiffel Tower. All I saw was her spear engulfed in the Paris fog. I realized I had up until that moment doubted her existence all these years. I took a picture of that horrible view because I know it will be one of the most cherished pictures of my life. I walked across the Seine on the Pont Neuf connecting the 1st Arrondissement in the city to the Latin Quartier. I started to laugh. Then started to cry. I seized with His inexpressible joy. T...

"They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death."--Revelation 12:11 We overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony.  It does not say I overcome by intellect and reasoning of my human mind (see also  here ). That's all.

There is a part in the movie "Good Will Hunting" where Robin Williams' character gives this monologue about life.  He unravel's Matt Damon's character and pride of knowledge because there is a plain difference between knowing about something and actually experiencing it. "So if I asked you about art, you'd probably give me the skinny on every art book ever written. Michelangelo, you know a lot about him. Life's work, political aspirations, him and the pope, sexual orientations, the whole works, right? But I'll bet you can't tell me what it smells like in the Sistine Chapel. You've never actually stood there and looked up at that beautiful ceiling; seen that."   This week I believe marks the half-way point on my travels through Europe.  As little as five years ago I thought I would be living somewhere in the middle of America, in a studio apartment, working two jobs and dancing in three shows a year.  Today I find myself about fif...

This morning I woke up ready to take on my second day in the city of Rome. Feet willing.  Before I hit the streets Jesus invited me to sit with Him for a minute.  Just after one day already in and among Romans (and their tourist counterparts) the feat of bringing the gospel to them  felt overwhelming. " They know me from afar ," He told me.  It was in the same sense that I know Brad Pitt--recognizable but yet not known personally (but how cool if I did know Brad?).    After the nearly dozen basilicas I went to I was sitting in the last one a for a bit longer feeling somber and drained by the stares of ivory saints.  What was this fear that suddenly welled up in my heart toward what felt like cold places of worship?   "Jesus what is this fear?" I couldn't look into His eyes. His eyes seemed lost from my sight as I searched for His warm embrace. The Jesus I knew and have experienced was distant. "This isnt who I am!  If on...

So I began writing out a bit more of my testimony but I never got a chance to finish it.  I erased all my paragraphs I wrote earlier now after a steaming pile of sin forced me to seek Grace.  Now I am looking at my Savior from a new angle; it feels more like from the ground up.  Or back on the ground if you will. Seriously, what I find more dangerous than a murderer is a girl like me.  All presumptuous and proper.  I've got everything right and put together in one place.  In fact I might have dared to think myself better than you.  See, more so than a dead body to deal with at the end of a day's work, my sin secretly tries to hide behind a nice clean fa ç ade with no one to call it out.  That is, until my sin meets the Holy Spirit.  That's why I would like to say that my testimony is more a miracle than anything else.  I don't have any seemingly good explanation for why I need Jesus Christ's forgiveness and peace w...

Here are some late night thoughts: I've hated people that don't apologize as much as I do.  That is, until I realized I wasn't angry at their lack of consideration, but the fact that they could be so comfortable in being themselves.  Oh, the audacity of it all!  So what God  is showing me is that I'm completely valid in His eyes and heart.  I stand upon His approval and all else may run off like a drop of water on a bird's back. Make apologies where there are offenses.  Accept the grace from the only One that can give it.  Feel approved by the only one who knows the intentions of my heart.  I think I'll call this simple living. Oh and I forgot I even took this picture.   C'est moi avec le drapeau de Savoie Psalm 17 A prayer of David. 1  Hear me,   Lord , my plea is just;      listen to my cry. Hear  my prayer—      it does not rise from deceitful lips. 2 ...

I feel like I have to play for both teams when it comes to the topic of the Holy Spirit.  This whole week Jesus has brought about events that are far beyond my own knowledge and way of doing things, but the stories come through a person that I deeply trust.  I trust her by her fruit (Matthew 7:20).  She is rooted in the Word.  It is how we know God, His character, His fruit, His voice.  So, why must I feel a fight between my intellect and following the Holy Spirit?  Instead of t-shirts for the Twilight movies, I feel like I have to choose a TEAM BIBLE or a TEAM HOLY SPIRIT.  Selah. So here I am.  What I really want to do is wear them both.  I think Jesus does.  If I believe the scriptures, I must believe the work and miracles of God with the outpouring of the Holy Spirit and all its gifts.  I also find  myself on the outskirts of radical Christianity wanting to play along but feeling the need to appease my mind.  I ...