Skip to main content

Belly of a Fish


“Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands.”—Deuteronomy 8:2

I write this next post at the expense of my own reputation.  I think that’s one idol I need to smash.  Boy has this week/past couple of days put me in the belly of a fish.  I have found myself at the end of my Nineveh journey angry and bitter.  How dare God bring me out here?  Now don't stop reading because you think this blog is one big lamentation, I’ll have you know the JOY I’ve found in this stupid thing I call selling books.  Some are probably wondering why I'm doing this anyway.  I'm not sure yet, but I'm starting to get some perspective.

I’ve been angry, but embarrassed of my anger.  I’m embarrassed because I didn’t know I could get like this.  I’m realizing that I’m not the kind humble creature I once owned up to.  Now I’m starting to think that’s why God brought me out here, to test me and know what was in my heart.  He already knew I carried wrath and frustration and distrust towards Him, but I didn’t.  My perfect Christian girl identity is slipping from my grasp just as Jonah’s perfect, self-righteous façade was removed too.   Jonah was a blessed prophet and familiar with the wonders of God but didn’t want to see Nineveh spared (chapter 4, verse 2).  

Now I have nothing to stand upon in front of people.  My roommates have seen me angry (unfortunately).  In the areas that I'm failing to live up to my reputation, I'm being forced to ask myself where I’ve been placing my identity.  Is it going to be with the “perfect Christ-like girl” or the faulty blood-bought daughter of the King of Kings?  All my righteous acts and kind words I’ve spoken these past years cannot save me.  I won’t go as far as claiming false humility, as if I’m too low to be loved by God now.  It’s His love that has been causing me to run to Him even if I’m kicking and screaming at the same time. 

Expecting to hear an “I told you so” reply from the Lord or a “tough cookies, girl” I’ve felt nothing but God’s gentle approval this whole adventure, even in my angry moments (let’s just say my steering wheel has been hit a few times—only something I think a book kid fully understands).

“In my distress I called to the Lord, and he answered me.  From deep in the realm of the dead I called for help, and you listened to my cry…” (Ch. 2, vs. 2)

“But you, Lord my God, brought my life up from the pit…” (Ch. 2, vs. 6b)

Just as Jonah cried in the belly of the fish, I am crying to God as the only salvation for my soul.
 
“But I with shouts of grateful praise will sacrifice to you.  What I have vowed I will make good.  I will say, ‘Salvation comes from the Lord.’” (Ch. 2, vs. 9)

At the end of the book, we don’t really see if Jonah is restored from his bitterness, but it appears that God out of His love appealed to him to let go of his frustration.  It just makes me love Him more.

I didn't come upon this revelation by myself.  Praise God for podcast sermons that preach the Word:  Listen here!!

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Tucker's Birth Story

Tucker Jason Rhys was born on October 30th, 2023 at 3:18pm in the afternoon though I say his birth story started four months earlier in June.  In June we were packing up our family and lives in Africa to come back to America for a year. With two small kids and me being six month pregnant, Steven and I still thought it would be worth the effort to stop in Paris for a layover and do a couple Frenchy things like eat a croissant and see the Eiffel Tower.  It’s a “perk” of the job I tell myself—every flight path inevitably goes through Europe. We booked tickets that took us through Paris and then onto America. After booking everything we hit a snag—Farrah’s passport was set to expire in September and apparently France requires three months of validity left on a US passport before giving a visa to visit their country. She only had two months left before she needed to renew hers. (I'm getting to the birth, I promise…) Up until that last week on our island as we were packing our bags ...
Post a Comment
Read more

In Case You Were Curious

The feat of writing a post and explanation for what happened this past weekend has kept me from even attempting it for some days now.  How do you describe miracles but not as to cheapen the treasure of their testimony? First I must begin to explain who this man Steven is, and who he someday will be.  Skeptical, I have been for some years now which is why I categorize his existence as a miracle. He is strong.  Meek.  Authoritative in speech, and yet the most gentle of men.  He hates all the usual things like Wal-Mart and loves all the usual authors like G.K. Chesterton.  His brokenness before the Lord was what set him apart from the crowd for me.  I honor this man with words of encouragement. "Steven, you are dearly loved and anointed by Jesus.  Not because you have done great things for Him, but because your heart longs to make Him the focus.  You know He is good even in the desert seasons.  You have chosen Jesus.  You have a ...
6 comments
Read more

Let's Run!

I am tired of making the Christian life look good.  I might as well wear the t-shirt that says "Christians have more fun".  When Jesus said we could have life to the full (John 10:10), I am told He was not wearing the t-shirt.  If anything His shirt would say "fullness of life found here".  It's futile of me to think we Christians need to persuade the world that we love our lives.  In fact Paul said, "If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are to be pitied more than all men."--1 Corinthians 15:11  If indeed Jesus has been raised, then my living is not empty.  I fix my eyes on the prize.  That prize is not less drinking, fewer swear words, and a "good job" from morality at the end of the day...it is El Shaddai, God all sufficient. "Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.  Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to ...
2 comments
Read more