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Psalm 116

"What shall I return to the Lord for all his goodness to me?  I will lift up the cup of salvation and call on the name of the Lord.  I will fulfill my vows to the Lord in the presence of all his people."--Psalm 116:12-14

How do I start a blog post that can portray my zeal for the Lord?!  Y'all, I'm done with clean living and only going "so far" before people think I'm nuts.  I think that verdict has long been since decided.  In the verse the psalmist is writing about the goodness of the Lord.  In these last minute trials before I leave for France I have to thank God publicly for His goodness to me!  Hence, why I blog.  It's the only thing I can do in return for Him.

After the uncertainty with my student loan business, I was asking the Father what His purpose was in this whole ordeal.  I kept getting this picture of Jesus and I being "neighbors" of sorts.  We wave "hi" and "good morning" as we mow our lawns but things are kept at a comfortable distance.  The barrier between my territory and His is a tiny white-picket fence about waist high.  This fence I see is a barrier but it hold bits of pride, unbelief, and fear.  Jesus is standing on the other side waving, "you can hop over here if you'd like."  Over time I find I cannot keep a distance between us.

One fear I had that keeps me on my territory and Jesus on His is my fear that I cannot be completely myself and in a deeper, expressive relationship with Him.  I don't feel the calling to go yell on the street corners (I don't think the motive would be done with gentleness and respect) but immediately I start imagining a quiet, pristine Alicia that sits and makes cooing noises in the corner.  No, just like if I wore an ankle bracelet, (the picture I got from the Lord) that's NOT who I am.  I don't necessarily like ankle bracelets or things that remind me of my middle-school era.  The Alicia I think the Father approves of can carry her voice across a mountain and dance in joy around others while making situations slightly more awkward than the normal person.  Finally just learning how to be more of who He has made me to be is all, and another reason I'm going to "find myself in Paris".

If you're like me, you probably skimmed this blogged for the good stuff in 2.2 seconds.  Hopefully the goodness of God is the "good stuff" you've found.
Saying goodbye to cornfields
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