Here's my heart, Lord, take and seal it

On Monday November 12th, 2012 at 12:02  in the afternoon, my heart stopped beating and I took my last breath. Inhaled, and nothing came out. Save for the eyes rolling in the back of my head and actually dying, my life ended.  Some may think, and others may know, I'm a dramatic person, but that is the most realistic description I can give for when I mounted the tiny hill of the Pont Neuf overlooking the Seine river. What took my breath away (literally, no respiratory action of and kind) was possibly the worst view of the Eiffel Tower. All I saw was her spear engulfed in the Paris fog. I realized I had up until that moment doubted her existence all these years. I took a picture of that horrible view because I know it will be one of the most cherished pictures of my life. I walked across the Seine on the Pont Neuf connecting the 1st Arrondissement in the city to the Latin Quartier. I started to laugh. Then started to cry. I seized with His inexpressible joy. Then it hit me,

"They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death."--Revelation 12:11 We overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony.  It does not say I overcome by intellect and reasoning of my human mind (see also  here ). That's all.

There is a part in the movie "Good Will Hunting" where Robin Williams' character gives this monologue about life.  He unravel's Matt Damon's character and pride of knowledge because there is a plain difference between knowing about something and actually experiencing it. "So if I asked you about art, you'd probably give me the skinny on every art book ever written. Michelangelo, you know a lot about him. Life's work, political aspirations, him and the pope, sexual orientations, the whole works, right? But I'll bet you can't tell me what it smells like in the Sistine Chapel. You've never actually stood there and looked up at that beautiful ceiling; seen that."   This week I believe marks the half-way point on my travels through Europe.  As little as five years ago I thought I would be living somewhere in the middle of America, in a studio apartment, working two jobs and dancing in three shows a year.  Today I find myself about fif

This morning I woke up ready to take on my second day in the city of Rome. Feet willing.  Before I hit the streets Jesus invited me to sit with Him for a minute.  Just after one day already in and among Romans (and their tourist counterparts) the feat of bringing the gospel to them  felt overwhelming. " They know me from afar ," He told me.  It was in the same sense that I know Brad Pitt--recognizable but yet not known personally (but how cool if I did know Brad?).    After the nearly dozen basilicas I went to I was sitting in the last one a for a bit longer feeling somber and drained by the stares of ivory saints.  What was this fear that suddenly welled up in my heart toward what felt like cold places of worship?   "Jesus what is this fear?" I couldn't look into His eyes. His eyes seemed lost from my sight as I searched for His warm embrace. The Jesus I knew and have experienced was distant. "This isnt who I am!  If only they knew my love