Here's my heart, Lord, take and seal it

  • Phineas Steven Justus Lund • Born yesterday at 1:03PM in Nairobi, Kenya • 8lbs 2oz (3.7 kilos) and nearly 21” long (53cm) • For over ten years I have dreamed of naming my first boy Phineas after the Israelite who had the zeal of the Lord in Numbers chapter twenty five. 'Then Phinehas stood up and intervened, and the plague was stayed. And that was counted to him as righteousness from generation to generation forever.'--Psalm‬ ‭106:30-31‬ ‭ESV‬‬ When we found out Farrah was a girl, I was surprised because I had always thought I’d have a boy first. But God’s timing is perfect because, in fact, 2020 is the year of a plague. I feel his birth signifies the end of the the virus and a confirmation of God’s call on his life. Phineas, may you have the zeal for the Lord that proclaims His salvation by Christ’s blood which stays God’s wrath on mankind. Thank you Lord for this Hope we have now in Jesus in 2020 and forever and ever. Welcome, little one! #PhineasStevenJustus #inlundswith...

My labor with our first daughter, Farrah, was not how I had pictured it.  Most of it went well but some of it was unpredictably difficult.  I did a lot of things right.  I refused to be afraid.  I also knew that I wanted God to walk with me through the process.  I call it a supernatural labor, not because it was a pain free process but because the Father was there through it all walking with me. I know the title of this blog comes from the debated scripture of 1 Timothy 2:15, and I'm really not here to address that, but I can't help but think of it when I look back on Farrah's birth story. “Yet she will be saved through childbearing — if they continue in faith and love and holiness, with self-control.”  I was saved through this experience.  I was saved in so many ways.  I was delivered from fear and pride and this process taught me about endurance in the faith. I'll save you some boring details but lets just say about 3PM on Septemb...

I felt like I should read Romans 8 recently.  I know, I know, if you're going to read any of the Scriptures...am I right?!  " 7 For the sinful nature is always hostile to God. It never did obey God’s laws, and it never will.  8 That’s why those who are still under the control of their sinful nature can never please God." I used to read this as a stern warning like, "Better not walk in that ol' nature of yours, or have a mind governed by it.  You won't please God."  But I kept reading... " But you are not controlled by your sinful nature. You are controlled by the Spirit if you have the Spirit of God living in you. (And remember that those who do not have the Spirit of Christ living in them do not belong to him at all.)" (NLT) It's risky to take this verse and teach it to others saying, "Stop worrying about your fruit."  People might go on sinning on purpose!  Though, I'm not worried about the people that are calculating ...

This picture is such a random photo that I snapped of my friend Aubrey while we were at Starbucks four days ago.  What you don't see in the far left corner of the cafe, is that Ty and Terri Schenzel were sitting with another person, deep in conversation.  When we walked into the cafe I motioned with my neck and said, "Hey Aubrey, there are the Schenzels."  We didn't say much not thinking they would know us, but we definitely knew who they were. Yesterday a car crash took them home to be with Jesus.  I can't say I knew them beyond the pulpit as the funny preacher and fun-loving couple, but their legacy lives on in tons of lives that were touched for the glory of God. So, I suppose I am writing this less as a memoir of these two and more as a reflection of death and dying as a Christian.  One person just commented on Ty's peace about "new adventures" to come and having felt like his work was completed.  I am shocked.  But yet, I sense the Holy ...

Sometimes we want this relationship with God to come easily.  I self-examine, "Maybe I'm not figuring out things that others have who have gone before me.  Are there revelations God is withholding from me because I won't 'get it together'?"      Alas, the Holy Spirit didn't allow me to think this way much longer.  I found myself reading Ephesians merely by chance and was gently corrected. " Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,  who has blessed us in the heavenly realms  with every spiritual blessing in Christ."--Ephesians 1:3 God doesn't have an "elite" group of people that are allowed access to His blessings.   We have been given everything! " His divine power  has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him  who called us  by his own glory and goodness."--2 Peter 1:3

I've been clinging to promises from God lately. Suddenly it dawned on me that they will come true. They aren't suggestions or mere hopes. I know that these things will happen: God will withhold no good thing--meaning good things are coming my way--as my walk is blameless in His sight. (Psalm 84:11) He satisfies my soul's longings. As I hunger, I will be satisfied with good. (Psalm 107:9) God fulfills His purpose for me. He does whatever He pleases--I cling to this on days and moments when I feel like I've  "mess up" what He is doing. (Psalm 57:2) He cares for me--Individual little Alicia who seemingly has very little consequence to this world. He cares when I'm tired, He cares when my emotions are out of whack. He cares when I am hurt. I'm never too far away from His gaze. (1 Peter 5:7) These promises come in handy (and these are just a few) when the oppression of fear or dread cause me to think about the what-if's. I tend to think o...

Today, we are remembering Grandma Amy.  And it has not gone without sobering thoughts of eternity. I know right now that she is with the Father and the place which the Son prepared for her. What brings peace about my grandmother's life is that we are promised a kingdom and an eternity.  Her life did not truly end a week ago. And this is the only hope we have--if it were not so, you ought to pity my life, hers, and anyone else spending their lives for the sake of His Name. "If in Christ we have hope in this life only, we are of all people most to be pitied."--1 Corinthians 15:19 I can remember Grandma Amy singing earnestly over and over, "you can have all this world, but give me Jesus".  I now know that her prayer has been answered and she has Him. And that is all she or I need, hope, and long for. "I love you, Grandma."

The feat of writing a post and explanation for what happened this past weekend has kept me from even attempting it for some days now.  How do you describe miracles but not as to cheapen the treasure of their testimony? First I must begin to explain who this man Steven is, and who he someday will be.  Skeptical, I have been for some years now which is why I categorize his existence as a miracle. He is strong.  Meek.  Authoritative in speech, and yet the most gentle of men.  He hates all the usual things like Wal-Mart and loves all the usual authors like G.K. Chesterton.  His brokenness before the Lord was what set him apart from the crowd for me.  I honor this man with words of encouragement. "Steven, you are dearly loved and anointed by Jesus.  Not because you have done great things for Him, but because your heart longs to make Him the focus.  You know He is good even in the desert seasons.  You have chosen Jesus.  You have a ...

I was holding my fragile glass heart tonight. "Will you please care for this?"  I asked around. The world's response was to knock it out of my hands, and at the feet of Jesus though I wasn't aiming for Him.  The aroma from the heart, which was apparently a jar of perfume, was reaching His nose.  He found it pleasing to Him. Though my hope was to keep the heart and never let it get broken, the fact that I didn't offer it to God in the first place suddenly came to mind. "I should have handed it to the Father first...oh no, is He mad?" I thought. Foolishly trying to fix the situation and bending down to gather the pieces and the oil, I felt a hand stop what I was doing. "I desire mercy, not sacrifice,"  I was raised to my feet.  I was in His arms.  It seemed that was what He was after all along. The sacrifice (though not entirely willful) made me all the more acutely aware of the fact that I do not love Christ as I should.  Only He ...

“…’ Jerusalem will be a city without walls because of the great number of people and animals in it.  And I myself will be a wall of fire around it,' declares the LORD, 'and I will be its glory within.'”—Zechariah 2:4-5 “Look into my eyes!” I would glimpse into Jesus’ eyes before I would turn away again.     “There is a part inside you which you don’t want me to see.  Let me see it!” Suddenly I felt vulnerable and on edge.  What could He possibly be looking at?  I had the feeling of a great dry land on my body that had never been watered or touched by His presence.  He was now entering into that waste and renewing it with His Spirit.  I apparently had never let Him in.  It’s like the junk drawer or the closet of odds and ends that you don’t know what to do with.   See, what God was doing was showing me how much more of myself I need to surrender to Him.  Not much happened outside of my spirit except a greater s...

The psalmist wrote at one point, " My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the LORD; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God. "--Psalm 84:2 as well as " As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God.   My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God?"--Psalm 42:1-2 There is a great deal of angst within those sentences.  It's not--as a favorite pastor and teacher of mine has said--something you put on the back of a t-shirt with the picture of Bambi.  No.  You have been running.  You are tired.  You have had no food and water.  You ache, long, and groan for Rest.   Why don't I do that more?   Lord, bring us to the point where we cry out, "I gotta have more of You!" But of course, for the sake of tradition...

Maturity in Christ is a bit different from the world's perspective.  In America, you're titled mature if you're independent.  In Christ, your maturity hangs upon how dependent we realize we actually are.  There's no place for the occasional: I can figure it out. It's not a big deal. "Alicia...You want to become so, so mature.  But maturity in Christ is childlike dependence upon Me.  Return to the things you did at first.  That is how I want you.  Not walking, but loving my arms.  Come to me like a little child.  Desperate for love!  Repent of spiritual pride!" "At that time Jesus said, 'I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little  children.'"--Matthew 11:25 " And he said: 'Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little  children , you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.'"--Matthew 18:3 " Jesus ...

What a privilege to have something so valuable to my heart that its very surrender is seen as the utmost form of worship. Abraham had Isaac. Hannah had her son. The sinful woman had the alabaster flask. The Father had the Son, and the Son had His very life. How grateful am I to have been given something so dear, very dear, to my heart that I may surrender it as worship to God. Maybe a few tears as well. "Now when Jesus was at Bethany in the house of Simon the leper,  a woman came up to him with an alabaster flask of very expensive ointment, and she poured it on his head as he reclined at table.    And when the disciples saw it, they were indignant, saying, 'Why this waste?    For this could have been sold for a large sum and given to the poor.'   But Jesus, aware of this, said to them, 'Why do you trouble the woman? For she has done a beautiful thing to me.'"--Matthew 26:6-10

I sit in the same section of seats.  I always sit far off by stage right.  I even congregate by the same people, but since my trip to Europe I see Sundays a little different now. It is only a Sunday. I remember vividly as I unpacked my suitcase  on December 23rd , when I realized the person God had made overseas was colliding with her old life and routine. The only real difference was that the French girl had pillow talks with Jesus.   So there I was today listening to the sermon, but on this side of the Atlantic, I've been feeling a little out if place.  The closer and closer I get to the reality of Christ, the less and less I "need" those services (however, we do need to hear the word preached).  They become less and less about me actually (rather humbling to admit that revelation at this point in the journey).  I would like to give credit to God for why I don't go to church for the same reasons as before.  As an aside, the Spi...

So I began writing out a bit more of my testimony but I never got a chance to finish it.  I erased all my paragraphs I wrote earlier now after a steaming pile of sin forced me to seek Grace.  Now I am looking at my Savior from a new angle; it feels more like from the ground up.  Or back on the ground if you will. Seriously, what I find more dangerous than a murderer is a girl like me.  All presumptuous and proper.  I've got everything right and put together in one place.  In fact I might have dared to think myself better than you.  See, more so than a dead body to deal with at the end of a day's work, my sin secretly tries to hide behind a nice clean fa ç ade with no one to call it out.  That is, until my sin meets the Holy Spirit.  That's why I would like to say that my testimony is more a miracle than anything else.  I don't have any seemingly good explanation for why I need Jesus Christ's forgiveness and peace w...

I feel like I have to play for both teams when it comes to the topic of the Holy Spirit.  This whole week Jesus has brought about events that are far beyond my own knowledge and way of doing things, but the stories come through a person that I deeply trust.  I trust her by her fruit (Matthew 7:20).  She is rooted in the Word.  It is how we know God, His character, His fruit, His voice.  So, why must I feel a fight between my intellect and following the Holy Spirit?  Instead of t-shirts for the Twilight movies, I feel like I have to choose a TEAM BIBLE or a TEAM HOLY SPIRIT.  Selah. So here I am.  What I really want to do is wear them both.  I think Jesus does.  If I believe the scriptures, I must believe the work and miracles of God with the outpouring of the Holy Spirit and all its gifts.  I also find  myself on the outskirts of radical Christianity wanting to play along but feeling the need to appease my mind.  I ...

I have this Hillsong CD, and every time I listen to it I am brought back to a season in life that surprisingly brings some of the most innocent and fond memories of my life.  I am put back in the basement of a friend's house where we would hold worship nights and I return to my car driving the windy roads of western Omaha.  I envision myself looking into the dark night sky crying out to God for answers to lots of questions I had about my life and dreams and the orchestration of them all.  These times were not necessarily the happiest.  In fact, they were some of the loneliest.  I would consider them a great contrast to France--dark and light. One thing I find surprising is that when I hear this song that triggers these memories I am not pushed back into the pain, but into the thankful attitude of what God did in my heart of hearts.  He was awfully silent during that fall-turned-cold winter season.  I didn't get any answers I was looking for exc...

"What about those other religions?  You don't know much about them.  How can you be sure?" "Hmm...I may not know much about them, but I do know the God of the Bible. This particular God claims to be self-sufficient, in no need of anything.  Then He went and created man.  He also created free will so that there can be a meaningful passionate relationship between them.  Then this God watched man choose their own ways and creation over Him.  At just the right moment in a complete act of humility this same God became a man.  He was spit in the face by His creation yet He showed man how to perfectly love others.  He exposed the pride of religion and perfect outward appearances and brought a surefire resolution that was not subjective by a grading scale of good deeds.  Rather the story of the Bible continues that He found a resolution all by His own doing...an obedient death on a cross!  Then this God's story doesn't end there...He...

I tried to write this post over and over again.  It started about half a dozen times as a theologian, and a quarter-dozen times as a comedian.  I stopped after the ninth attempt and thought I'd sleep on it.  I know when I come across some type of writer's block it's God's way of saying, "you're trying too hard".  Finally a few days later I opened my journal and what I wanted to say was simply written down (pretty sure I avoided this at first for fear of indecent exposure of my heart). I get why David wrote about the Lord's law being "sweet" to his lips...because the more depraved you realize you are...the more you HUNGER for HIS ways and laws and things that get you out of it  [sin, see Romans 6:21-23] !  Psalm 119 "Oh, that my ways were steadfast in following your decrees!"--verse 5 "How can a young man keep is way pure?  By living according to your word.  I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your com...