Here's my heart, Lord, take and seal it

I have four more hours of waiting in Charles de Gaulle airport before my flight leaves for America.  I wish I could say I am crying because my adventure is over, but the sad emotions have lost to those that are excited to see home.  (Plus, Christmas is around the corner and what is better than that?!) I don't know where to begin in recapping my travels through France and Europe.  I am more than grateful, and I feel fulfilled in a weird way.  I have this mental checklist in my brain and save for one or two things I've always wanted in life, it's nearly complete.  It's weird to say that at the age of 23, and to be able to look forward to the unknown chapters.  We shall see what that has in store. May I leave you with one last quote from Eric Ludy that seems to perfectly sum up what I have found to be true in this past season: “We believe that the true Christian experience is epic and grand, a sort of Jane Austen meets Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings . It’...

I've been thinking about the Advent season lately.  Christmas is my absolutely favorite time of year because it gives me plenty of new perspective on the incarnation.  Perhaps this may assist you as well. ad·vent   [ ad -vent ]   noun 1.  a coming into place, view, or being; arrival:  the advent of the holiday season . 2.  ( usually initial capital letter ) the coming of Christ into the world. 3.  ( initial capital letter ) the period beginning four Sundays before Christmas, observed in commemoration of the coming of Christ into the world. 4.  ( usually initial capital letter )  Second Coming. So we continue to wait, even after His first appearing.  The Bible even tells us the world groans with eager expectation.  Even the world cries out in earthquakes, floods, and storms to be reconciled under Christ. "The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed.   For the cr...

On Monday November 12th, 2012 at 12:02  in the afternoon, my heart stopped beating and I took my last breath. Inhaled, and nothing came out. Save for the eyes rolling in the back of my head and actually dying, my life ended.  Some may think, and others may know, I'm a dramatic person, but that is the most realistic description I can give for when I mounted the tiny hill of the Pont Neuf overlooking the Seine river. What took my breath away (literally, no respiratory action of and kind) was possibly the worst view of the Eiffel Tower. All I saw was her spear engulfed in the Paris fog. I realized I had up until that moment doubted her existence all these years. I took a picture of that horrible view because I know it will be one of the most cherished pictures of my life. I walked across the Seine on the Pont Neuf connecting the 1st Arrondissement in the city to the Latin Quartier. I started to laugh. Then started to cry. I seized with His inexpressible joy. T...

This morning I woke up ready to take on my second day in the city of Rome. Feet willing.  Before I hit the streets Jesus invited me to sit with Him for a minute.  Just after one day already in and among Romans (and their tourist counterparts) the feat of bringing the gospel to them  felt overwhelming. " They know me from afar ," He told me.  It was in the same sense that I know Brad Pitt--recognizable but yet not known personally (but how cool if I did know Brad?).    After the nearly dozen basilicas I went to I was sitting in the last one a for a bit longer feeling somber and drained by the stares of ivory saints.  What was this fear that suddenly welled up in my heart toward what felt like cold places of worship?   "Jesus what is this fear?" I couldn't look into His eyes. His eyes seemed lost from my sight as I searched for His warm embrace. The Jesus I knew and have experienced was distant. "This isnt who I am!  If on...

Here are some late night thoughts: I've hated people that don't apologize as much as I do.  That is, until I realized I wasn't angry at their lack of consideration, but the fact that they could be so comfortable in being themselves.  Oh, the audacity of it all!  So what God  is showing me is that I'm completely valid in His eyes and heart.  I stand upon His approval and all else may run off like a drop of water on a bird's back. Make apologies where there are offenses.  Accept the grace from the only One that can give it.  Feel approved by the only one who knows the intentions of my heart.  I think I'll call this simple living. Oh and I forgot I even took this picture.   C'est moi avec le drapeau de Savoie Psalm 17 A prayer of David. 1  Hear me,   Lord , my plea is just;      listen to my cry. Hear  my prayer—      it does not rise from deceitful lips. 2 ...

The first thing that drew me to look twice at the open doors next to my hotel was a strategically placed tray of eclairs.  I had just left my hotel building to spend a few hours walking around the city of Nice before returning home .   In a matter of about three brain synapses I discovered it was a church.  It went something like, "Eclairs--music--church--Jesus!" and into the building I went. The room was much smaller than a typical sanctuary of sorts and the only decorations on the white stone walls were pictures of their missions teams.  The crowd included various homeless men probably looking for an eclair just like I was.  You could tell this church was placed in the heart of the town where sex shops are the norm and poverty is plentiful.  During worship we sang songs that were familiar to me such as "Our God", yet obviously different in French.  There was a sort of "call and response" as I have heard it described before.  These people ...

By chance my roommate found a flyer on campus advertising the "FEU" (Foyer Evangelique Universitaire)  It's the French word for "fire"--cute!--and it's a Bible study for the university students. The two individuals that run the campus are from Baltimore and Philadelphia who have been in ministry in France for over 20 years!  For some reason it gave me a sigh of relief that I could connect with more Americans.  After singing worship songs in French to the God of the universe, including the oldie <<J e loue ton nom Eternel>> ( Lord, I lift your name on high), we dove into a lesson on the basics for continuing our walks with the Lord. My highlight of the night was praying for another American woman who was "closer to sixty" than most of us in the room but she is going back to school to study international business.  Her hopes are to work with the Congo and set up something there.  It was the fellowship I'd been praying for.  We gig...

I have three weeks off until my classes start.  Before I do a little bit of traveling these next few weekends (once to Germany--er--Deutschland ja!, and the other to the South of France) I've taken the liberty of planning my wedding.   I found Pinterest to be very helpful for ideas and I think   ranunculus with baby's breath might be the way to go  instead of peonies because  I'm told they keep longer and are less expensive--ALICIA YOU DON'T HAVE A  BOYFRIEND!   Oh, THAT.  Yes, in due time Mr. Conscience.  In my reasoning, I will never have another three weeks "off" in my entire life so I should make use of it.   On another related aspect, in my Housewife In Training sessions (also known as HWIT), I've been trying my hand at this cooking thing.  Here in my French living quarters I've discovered the cheap and great joy that is couscous.  This is thanks to my roommates that are a little more learned at this thing than I ( a...

This is my second post of the evening.  Judge me if you must but I'm exhausted from this week.  I went to a pub tonight for about thirty minutes out of social obligations to my fellow 22-year-olds and then it hit me that I'm actually 65 at heart.  My room, tea, and writing were calling my name (as well as a bed which I will visit in just a few). I've had a few minor victories whilst in France this week.  At one point on Wednesday I began thinking in French.  The only thing that made me conscious of it was that I got to a word I didn't know fully and then thought, "What?!  I'm so cool!  I'm so, 'comment-dit-on' French!"  My second victory lies in the saliva I spewed across the room during a conversation with a classmate.  At that moment memories of my teacher in high school, Madame, came flooding back and I realized that my pronunciation was getting better.  C'est si bon. Lastly, I'd like to introduce you to Yves: For these ...

I tried to write this post over and over again.  It started about half a dozen times as a theologian, and a quarter-dozen times as a comedian.  I stopped after the ninth attempt and thought I'd sleep on it.  I know when I come across some type of writer's block it's God's way of saying, "you're trying too hard".  Finally a few days later I opened my journal and what I wanted to say was simply written down (pretty sure I avoided this at first for fear of indecent exposure of my heart). I get why David wrote about the Lord's law being "sweet" to his lips...because the more depraved you realize you are...the more you HUNGER for HIS ways and laws and things that get you out of it  [sin, see Romans 6:21-23] !  Psalm 119 "Oh, that my ways were steadfast in following your decrees!"--verse 5 "How can a young man keep is way pure?  By living according to your word.  I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your com...

"There is a difference between manufacturing the Christian life and manifesting the life of Christ among you."--JR Vassar People watching at Au Fid èle Berger <<Ah, la Bible!  Moi, aussi!>> was my landlady's response when she saw the French Bible that I bought for two Euros.  I knew I'd like her.  It's funny that when there's a language barrier where some things might get lost in translation or culture, the Holy Spirit connects Madame and I.  I just got back from a time spent at "my caf é"  called Au Fid èle Berger.  It didn't take too long for me to find a place to call my own.  The cafe offers an array of chocolates, desserts, and of course the espresso that is sweet to the taste.  I mostly love the setting of this little place.  It's found under a arched, stone walkway out of the sun and onlookers, but I can people watch as much as I'd please.    At Au Fid èle Berger I was just expressing to the  Lor...

<<Bonjour!>>  said the slightly overweight ticket-taker.  I nearly forgot I was in France when I decided to take a nap on the train to Chambéry.  You know those moments when you wake up and forget where you are? I've had plenty of those, and it's not necessarily because of the wine that flows like water around here, but several times a day I have to pinch myself to realize that I'm actually in France.  As I walked up to my house/apartment from the taxi I was overwhelmed with how nice it was.  I could only thank Jesus, it's better than I could have imagined (but isn't that how He always does things?!). Anytime I forget where I am, I need only look at the old women walking down the streets carrying a single baguette or bouquet of flowers (not kidding, they actually do that).  I love my landlady as well.  She looks a bit like a mix between Maggie Smith and an even skinnier version of Jim Carey's character in "A Christmas Carol".  ...

"What shall I return to the Lord for all his goodness to me?  I will lift up the cup of salvation and call on the name of the Lord.  I will fulfill my vows to the Lord in the presence of all his people."--Psalm 116:12-14 How do I start a blog post that can portray my zeal for the Lord?!  Y'all, I'm done with clean living and only going "so far" before people think I'm nuts.  I think that verdict has long been since decided.  In the verse the psalmist is writing about the goodness of the Lord.  In these last minute trials before I leave for France I have to thank God publicly for His goodness to me!  Hence, why I blog.  It's the only thing I can do in return for Him. After the uncertainty with my student loan business, I was asking the Father what His purpose was in this whole ordeal.  I kept getting this picture of Jesus and I being "neighbors" of sorts.  We wave "hi" and "good morning" as we mow our lawns but thing...

I am sitting in the UNO Arts and Sciences building right now.  Waiting...waiting...waiting upon the Lord to do something.  I didn't expect this whole road block on my way to France. Worst-case scenario:  I go next semester instead.  I know He wants me to go. Best-case scenario:  I go this semester on a grant or something! " Jesus asked the boy's father, 'How long has he been like this?'  'From childhood,' he answered.  ' It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.'   'If you can'? said Jesus. 'Everything is possible for him who believes.' ' Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, 'I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!'" --Mark 9:21-24 I feel like the man in the gospels that cried out to Jesus for my unbelief that He could change my situation.  I hate grieving the Holy Spirit in my doubting.   He provided quail and manna for Isr...