So there was a time in my life when I really dug down deep into my heart of hearts and allowed Jesus to touch my life very deeply. It was probably one of the most painful seasons of my life to-date. I was just 20 going on 21 years of age. It really wasn't that long ago, but it feels like an eternity. I've been looking back at some old journals tonight to gain some perspective for the next week and I found sentences flooded with tears of joy and anguish. With sadness and frustration, it was ultimately the closest time I have ever spent with Jesus. I found him at a greater capacity in that season. Times spent in His presence are almost common-place, but I think I have taken that for granted as well.
However, I realized this past week after not selling a whole lot, that my highest boast and greatest desire is no longer Jesus. I love Him, I really really do, but I have recently erred on the side of admiration versus passion that I had once before. I opened my journal up to a page dated back to October 8th, 2010. At this point in my walk, I had written out pages upon pages of verses and prayers to God. I read the verses scribbled in ink:
"But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ--the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead."--Philippians 3:7-11
Tonight I am realizing my deepest desires have not been "thy will be done". They have been "please, be like this and do this because I love you and you love me". In other words, Jesus Christ is the end all, be all of all things in all manner of creation forever and ever. He is it. It is Him. He is the I am. I want to, though we never will, fathom that. (Colossians 1:15-20)
"Father thank you for being so patient with me. Bring me back to that place."
Now I leave you with a story:
Thursday night I was driving through a nice upper-crust neighborhood where everyone seemingly had "seen" the books before. It was 8pm and I had made no sales thus far that day. For the first time this whole summer I wanted to stop going to the next house. I actually wanted to drive home, as in back to Nebraska. I wanted to put my head down and cry because I was working so hard. I was working and it didn't seem to be paying off.
"Keep going Alicia," was definitely the voice of God because I know I could not have made that decision on my own.
I noticed a woman sitting in her garage with her little boy watching me from across the street. I looked at my map and saw that she was a teacher with preschool children. If you sell books, you know the mental obstacles: "teacher, 'big brick' neighborhood, she's been watching me."
Let's just say by the grace of God she was the coolest mom I met all day. I took my check, left her 26 kids books, and took two Capri Sun's for the road.
It's stories like this that happen every day. I don't know why I'm so surprised by God's faithfulness every time He does things like that. Thank you, Lord.
Now for something random:
However, I realized this past week after not selling a whole lot, that my highest boast and greatest desire is no longer Jesus. I love Him, I really really do, but I have recently erred on the side of admiration versus passion that I had once before. I opened my journal up to a page dated back to October 8th, 2010. At this point in my walk, I had written out pages upon pages of verses and prayers to God. I read the verses scribbled in ink:
"But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ--the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead."--Philippians 3:7-11
Tonight I am realizing my deepest desires have not been "thy will be done". They have been "please, be like this and do this because I love you and you love me". In other words, Jesus Christ is the end all, be all of all things in all manner of creation forever and ever. He is it. It is Him. He is the I am. I want to, though we never will, fathom that. (Colossians 1:15-20)
"Father thank you for being so patient with me. Bring me back to that place."
Now I leave you with a story:
Thursday night I was driving through a nice upper-crust neighborhood where everyone seemingly had "seen" the books before. It was 8pm and I had made no sales thus far that day. For the first time this whole summer I wanted to stop going to the next house. I actually wanted to drive home, as in back to Nebraska. I wanted to put my head down and cry because I was working so hard. I was working and it didn't seem to be paying off.
"Keep going Alicia," was definitely the voice of God because I know I could not have made that decision on my own.
I noticed a woman sitting in her garage with her little boy watching me from across the street. I looked at my map and saw that she was a teacher with preschool children. If you sell books, you know the mental obstacles: "teacher, 'big brick' neighborhood, she's been watching me."
Let's just say by the grace of God she was the coolest mom I met all day. I took my check, left her 26 kids books, and took two Capri Sun's for the road.
It's stories like this that happen every day. I don't know why I'm so surprised by God's faithfulness every time He does things like that. Thank you, Lord.
Now for something random:
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