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Belly of a Fish


“Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands.”—Deuteronomy 8:2

I write this next post at the expense of my own reputation.  I think that’s one idol I need to smash.  Boy has this week/past couple of days put me in the belly of a fish.  I have found myself at the end of my Nineveh journey angry and bitter.  How dare God bring me out here?  Now don't stop reading because you think this blog is one big lamentation, I’ll have you know the JOY I’ve found in this stupid thing I call selling books.  Some are probably wondering why I'm doing this anyway.  I'm not sure yet, but I'm starting to get some perspective.

I’ve been angry, but embarrassed of my anger.  I’m embarrassed because I didn’t know I could get like this.  I’m realizing that I’m not the kind humble creature I once owned up to.  Now I’m starting to think that’s why God brought me out here, to test me and know what was in my heart.  He already knew I carried wrath and frustration and distrust towards Him, but I didn’t.  My perfect Christian girl identity is slipping from my grasp just as Jonah’s perfect, self-righteous façade was removed too.   Jonah was a blessed prophet and familiar with the wonders of God but didn’t want to see Nineveh spared (chapter 4, verse 2).  

Now I have nothing to stand upon in front of people.  My roommates have seen me angry (unfortunately).  In the areas that I'm failing to live up to my reputation, I'm being forced to ask myself where I’ve been placing my identity.  Is it going to be with the “perfect Christ-like girl” or the faulty blood-bought daughter of the King of Kings?  All my righteous acts and kind words I’ve spoken these past years cannot save me.  I won’t go as far as claiming false humility, as if I’m too low to be loved by God now.  It’s His love that has been causing me to run to Him even if I’m kicking and screaming at the same time. 

Expecting to hear an “I told you so” reply from the Lord or a “tough cookies, girl” I’ve felt nothing but God’s gentle approval this whole adventure, even in my angry moments (let’s just say my steering wheel has been hit a few times—only something I think a book kid fully understands).

“In my distress I called to the Lord, and he answered me.  From deep in the realm of the dead I called for help, and you listened to my cry…” (Ch. 2, vs. 2)

“But you, Lord my God, brought my life up from the pit…” (Ch. 2, vs. 6b)

Just as Jonah cried in the belly of the fish, I am crying to God as the only salvation for my soul.
 
“But I with shouts of grateful praise will sacrifice to you.  What I have vowed I will make good.  I will say, ‘Salvation comes from the Lord.’” (Ch. 2, vs. 9)

At the end of the book, we don’t really see if Jonah is restored from his bitterness, but it appears that God out of His love appealed to him to let go of his frustration.  It just makes me love Him more.

I didn't come upon this revelation by myself.  Praise God for podcast sermons that preach the Word:  Listen here!!

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