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To Be Seen

I've come to the conclusion that I don't think I ever really liked dancing.

I was driving today and this fourth grader grabbed my attention in the car next to me.  He was grinning at me, waving profusely.  I smiled and gave a little nod and waved back to him.  I don't have children, but I understand we more clearly see the nature of the human heart in a child, unadulterated by the need to keep up appearances.  The boy wanted to be noticed.  As do I.

As my eyes went back to the road I remembered doing the same things when I was in fourth grade.  That was the age I first auditioned for the Nutcracker.  Then and there, I was chosen, accepted, and noticed for what felt like the first time.

To be honest with myself, I've had plenty of opportunities to return to the stage after leaving ballet five years ago.  I have made appearances a few times and if I really pressed hard, I think I could have gone back into it as more than a hobby.  But, almost as if I don't have the motivation, the studio feels like something I should be doing, rather than longing to do.  Perhaps the old longing of being seen from the stage has been replaced.

I have a smaller audience now, but He the only one that matters, and the only One that sees me for who I really am

"You have searched me, LORD, and you know me.  You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.  You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways."--Psalm 139:1-3
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